


A Hand To Hold

by benoitblanc



Category: Breaking Bad, El Camino - Fandom
Genre: El Camino spoilers, F/M, I hope you guys like it!, I really wanted to give Jesse a hug throughout the movie, Quickest El Camino fics in the west, also posted on Tumblr, so I made the comfort fluff piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 16:41:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20998001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benoitblanc/pseuds/benoitblanc
Summary: Being a childhood friend of Jesse Pinkman's meant being dragged into the meth empire, and you would do anything to protect your best friend.





	A Hand To Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this is based on El Camino however it does have flashbacks in it! I tried to separate the flashbacks by paragraph, it was easier on Tumblr since I could make them italic but I think this works to! Just know that there is an extra line separating flashbacks from the current timeline! There are El Camino Spoilers, it literally spoils the entire movie and if you don't want it spoiled for you then don't read this! If you have seen the movie and/or are totally okay with spoilers then read on and I hope you enjoy!

As you sat in the home of a couple of unlikely roommates, you felt yourself fall apart more and more. You could remember the day that you lost Jesse perfectly, the day that Walter told them to kill him. That was the moment you broke apart, and that was the moment that you decided that you needed to go somewhere that would leave you unharmed while still giving you a sense of familiarity. You chose to stay with Skinny Pete and Badger, in their shared home, and that’s where you’ve lived for the past few months. 

“y/n?” questioned a gruff voice from behind you. Your eyes twitched to meet the partially covered ones of Walter White. “Yeah?” You questioned, turning to face him, your back pressing on the opposite corner of the wall. “Why weren’t you at the meet today?” He questioned, sitting opposite you as you glanced to the ground. “Everything I did was to protect Jesse. You know that. You’re one of the smartest people I know.” You commented, and you knew he had to have some understanding of what you were saying to him. “So what, are you out?” He questioned and your eyes moved back up to meet his again. “Out? There is no out Walter. I just needed a break.” you mumbled, and he shook his head.  
“Not for me, maybe. Not for Jesse either. But no one knows who you are.” Walter mentioned, and you were right. You were just as unknown to the public as Saul Goodman was, maybe less considering the fact that he was a well-known attorney. “Why would you ever let me leave? I’ve seen the things you’ve done, I saw what was left of Gus Fring.” you replied, and Walter shrugged. “I knew a girl once, taught her for years. She did the worst things, she was suspended for weeks on end but would never stop.” He started, and your tilted your head but said nothing, motivating him to continue.  
“She was the sweetest girl, a top student. Days she missed she would use to e-mail her teachers about work. But she would fight people, leave them bloodied and bruised. She would sell drugs and rumors had it that she killed a man once. No one could understand why this girl would do such a thing. As it would turn out it was because she was in love.” Your eyes widened slightly, your face obviously bright red at what seemed to be an assumption. “She was in love with a boy that got into loads of trouble, she took blame for things he did. Did things she shouldn’t do to keep him safe. She didn’t do these things because she wanted to hurt people, she did them because she wanted to keep him safe.”  
“Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” Walter asked, after you ended up blankly staring at him while attempting to process your train of thought. “I do.” You replied simply, and nodded. “I- How did you find out that I love him? I thought I hid it well.” You mumbled, and he couldn’t help but laugh at that. “You and Jesse are both kids, I’ve dealt with kids since I started teaching. Besides, why else would you do so much for him?” He questioned, and you could feel a small twitch of a smile come across your lips.  
“I suppose this concludes our business then?” You questioned, holding your hand out for a shake. Walter nodded and shook your hand in return. “Suppose it does.” He replied.

Everyday following you wanted nothing more than to see Jesse again, but deep down you knew he was dead. The night of the shootout your phone went off perhaps twenty times, but you hadn’t heard it. You were washing clothes when you returned home, clothes in hand, and moments later saw Jesse again. Your eyes trained on his and for a moment you believed you were dreaming. You tried to push forward, tried to hold him, but he wasn’t there. He was out of it, and he needed help. You weren’t about to ruin that.  
You sat in the room, watching him sleep. You didn’t sleep for a moment, but you did step out for a few to make breakfast. That’s when Jesse woke up and started going ape-shit on the room. The second the three of you walked in, he took a few moments to realize who you were. When he went into the bathroom, you ended up following him. “y/n? What are you doing?” Jesse questioned as you closed the door behind you. “I’m going to help you.” You mumbled and folded the towel. “Get in the shower.” You weren’t positive if he was going to listen to you, but you were relieved when he complied and undressed, stepping into the shower.  
Under and other circumstance your face would have been beat red, but Jesse was destroyed both emotionally and physically, and you still didn’t know what had happened other than what you heard from Walter White. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you were hadn’t been snapped out of them until he turned the shower off and on again. You popped your head into the curtain, and motioned for him to sit down as you put the bath plug in the drain.  
“I know he told you not to shave, but I think you need it.” You mumbled as you set that next to him. “Why?” Jesse questioned, and your eyes finally met his. You could see the pain behind him, but you were too afraid to ask about it. “Freedom. A fresh start, things like that.” You explained, and Jesse nodded towards you. “I was going to shave it anyway.” He commented, and you sighed and grabbed a bath-sponge. You applied body soap to the sponge and began to run it over his shoulders, stomach, legs, arms, you wanted him to feel clean, and though he was tense for a few moments he calmed down rather quickly after you had begun cleaning him.  
You went over to the sink and grabbed the scissors. “Is this okay?” you asked, holding up the metal object and he nodded. You slowly began cutting his hair, running your fingers through the wet hair as you removed it. Once enough was gone, you applied shaving cream to his head and beard and shaved it off, leaving only a bit of stubble. “Alright.” You said and held a mirror to him. “Better?” You asked him, resulting in him nodding before getting dried off and dressed in the clothing that Skinny Pete had given him beforehand.  
Finally you stepped into the dining room. You could hear the three talking, but you couldn’t help but focus on the television. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” You stepped outside, your breathing had become heavy and your eyes trained on the ground. Your hand found the flip phone in your pocket and you opened it, dialing the number of none other than Walter White. A man picked up, almost as soon as you called, but it wasn’t Walter. “Hello? Hello? Who is this?” Asked the person on the line, and you quickly hung up. “Fuck!” You exclaimed, shoving the phone into your pocket.  
It wasn’t long before you left with Jesse, and as soon as the police passed he turned to look at you. “Why are you coming with me? It’s safer if you stay home.” He said and you met his glance. “I killed people for you Jesse, do you really think I wouldn’t follow you to try and keep you safe?” You questioned, and he sighed. “You know I never liked it that you risked everything to protect me.” Jesse mumbled, and you nodded in response. “I know Jesse.” You responded.  
Soon, he pushed the button to turn the radio on and pulled over somewhere safe where the two of you could listen to it. One thing stood out to you, that Walter White was dead. In the time you knew Walter you had been nothing if not confused about him. He ruined everything he touched, he ruined Jesse. He ruined you, he ruined Saul. Hell, the man made you feel bad for Gus when he blew half of the man’s face off. But he had been kind to you the night you left, he had been kind the day you met. He had watched you grow up when he taught you chemistry in high school. You didn’t know what to think about the man, and you would never be able to tell him that. Because he was dead.  
“You good?” You heard Jesse ask from beside you and you turned your head, your eyes meeting his ice-blue eyes. “I’m good I just- I don’t even know. I should be asking you that.” You said and he nodded. “Maybe, but you’ve taken care of me a lot.” Jesse commented and you grinned, “Yeah. I’m going to keep taking care of you, just so you know.” You told him, and he nodded before driving to Todd’s old apartment. “Todd? Really?” You asked, and Jesse nodded before leading you up and letting you sit down on the couch.  
The apartment was closed off, it was obvious why. You didn’t know how long you were going to be spending in this place, and it was rather eerie to be in there. But you knew that the two of you were going to need money if you were going to leave, and you knew Jesse wasn’t going to take what you had saved up to go because you ‘both were going’. That was the plan before, anyhow. 

“We can go together,” Jesse said, his legs resting on yours and your head pressed up back against the couch that you were sitting on. “Go…?” You trailed off as you looked at him, your brain taking a moment to click what he was saying. “Wait, I thought you wanted to fly solo.” You commented, and he shook his head. “I said it would be safer, not that I wanted to go without you. I want to go with you-” He cut himself off, adjusting his body so he was closer to you, however, his legs still swung over your thighs. “In fact, I won’t go anywhere if it’s not with you,” Jesse concluded, and you grinned. “Yeah, yeah. Okay, well you owe me for everything I’ve done for you anyway.” You said with a wide grin.

“So, we’re going together right?” You asked Jesse, your eyes meeting his as he took a moment to sit on the couch with you. “I wouldn’t go without you.” He mumbled, and that’s all you needed. You knew that Jese had been through a lot, and you knew that whatever it was had changed him drastically. But he remembered old promises that he made you, he remembered who he was, he was changed however there was still a bit of the old Jesse Pinkman inside of him.  
You hadn’t realized that your eyes were filling with tears before one of them fell. “I missed you so much.” You admitted, and Jesse pulled you into him, letting you rest your head on his shoulder and just relieve your emotions by crying as you held onto him. “I thought I would never see you again- That night that I quit dealing I… I waited all night.” You mumbled, your voice shaking ad he held you as tightly as he could. “How did you get out?” Jesse questioned, and you tried to calm yourself. “Walter let me go, he… seemed to understand that everything I did was for you,” you mumbled, and Jesse nodded.  
You raised your head up so you could finally look at Jesse, and his hand moved up to wipe your face. “I’m being such a little bitch about this.” You said, a small smile on your face and he shook his head. “It’s that assholes fault, not yours,” Jesse replied and you sighed. You looked into his eyes, and all you could see was pain. Jesse was in pain, no matter if he tried to hide it or not. So you took your hand, and moved it to hold onto his. “What are you doing?” Jesse questioned, confusion clear on his face. “You looked like you needed a hand to hold.” You commented, the response coming easily. You spent the next few moments leaning into each other, and you felt like you were both pretending it was just like before the going got especially hard while working with Walter.

“The fuck are we doing?” you mumbled, your body leaned into Jesse’s as you both absentmindedly stared at the television. You and Jesse had been childhood friends, you were polar opposites when you met but through your similarities the bond you both forms was immovable. Everyone thought the two of you were in a relationship in high school, but you had just grown so comfortable with each other that the cuddling and clothes sharing and other generically romance based things were all things that you were comfortable with.  
“What?” Jesse questioned, moving his gaze from the television to your form. Your head was rested against him and you were laying between his legs, his arm wrapped around your waist. “It’s… just that we’re about to cook meth with our high school teacher. That’s fucking weird.” You remarked, and Jesse nodded, “It is, but if he wasn’t to cook with us he can.” He replied and you sighed. “Yeah, but he better not be a dick about it, we’re the cooks after all.” You responded and Jesse gave you a look of agreement. 

After a few moments, you both stood up. “We’ve got to look for the money.” He mumbled, and you began to look with him. After a little while, you saw him scrabbling forward and dropped the flashlight that you were holding, thinking that something was happening and that someone had caught the two of you in there and called the police. But he soon turned the television on and you recognized his parents. You had met them a few times, when you went to stay at Jesse’s house before everything that happened.  
You could see the pain in Jesse’s face as he looked at his parents, watched them tell him that he should turn himself in. They could never understand what Jesse was going through and it hurt to see them want to see him go to prison and ruin the rest of his life. “I think I might need that hand to hold right now,” Jesse said, his desperate eyes meeting yours as you took your hand and intertwined your fingers with his.  
The rest of the night was spent searching every part of the house, and there were a few times that you took turns taking short naps. Nothing came up, neither of you found any money, and at this point it seemed like you weren’t going to. By daylight, you had given up and rested beside Jesse, who had leaned against the refrigerator. Moments later, something fell from behind his head, which was strange since one of the first places that you both had investigated was that area. Just as he got a bundle of cash, he saw people outside of the apartment and you both hid.  
“Run. Go to the car.” Jesse said quickly, he was panicked. “I’m not leaving you, I would n-” “Y/N, I’ll be okay. If I don’t come back in an hour just come back up.” “No, I can’t Jesse I-” “Please!” He was desperate. But you had just gotten him back. “I promise I’ll make it out.” He said, and you nodded. You made a dash for the balcony and began to scale down it while Jesse found a new place to hide. You sat in the front seat, leaning it back so you would remain out of sight as you laid down.  
The time that Jese had been in the building couldn’t have been any more time than twenty minutes, maybe less, but it felt like an eternity. The second he got in the car you moved to pull him into a hug, moving the seat up with you. “Don’t leave again.” You muttered, and he nodded. “I won’t.” He replied, but motioned for you to move into your seat as he drove to the vacuum building.  
All you could remember was the last time that the two of you were here, and the time that you had come to this place with Saul. The negotiation process was terrible, and it seemed like the two of you weren’t getting anywhere. “Jesse just take my fucking money.” You mumbled, shoving the bag you held in his face. “This is enough, this is what you owe. Jesse, please. You’re in more danger than I am.” You told him, and he shook his head. “I’m not leaving you, you’re all I have.” He admitted and you sighed.  
As the police arrived, after Jesse accused the man of lying, you both ran for the car and sat down inside of it. You looked over at him and he started driving, before pulling out somewhere that he could speak. you didn’t know who he was talking to on the phone, you didn’t know what he was talking about. But soon after the phone call started, it had ended. And the two of you were back on the road again. But you recognized where you were, you remembered coming to this place during high school. This was Jesse’s house. “Your parents-” “I just made sure, no one’s home. You need to wait in the car, they’re going to stakeout around the house.” Jesse said and you nodded. You brought your hand to rest on his cheek, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t notice him leaning into it. “Stay safe.” You said, a simple statement but one that had a lot of meaning. “I will.” He responded, and with that he ran off.  
Jesse was back within a few moments, and with the look in his eyes you could tell he had somewhere that he needed to go. “Remember the men that showed up at the apartment?” He asked you, and you nodded. You had remembered seeing the van that he had been looking at, the man that seemed to be speaking to him before he got into the car and rushed to drive away. “They have some of the money, I’m going to get what I need and then we can run away.” He told you, while you thought it was risky you were glad that he was going to find a way to get out. All you wanted was for the two of you to find safe passage.  
“Let me guess, you want me to stay in the car?” you questioned, turning to look at Jesse. “It’s personal, this is one of the guys that tortured me.” you understood, you knew this had to be some form of closure. “If I hear a gunshot I come running.” You told him, and he nodded. “Sounds like a deal.” He said, and in a brace move you leaned over to press a light kiss to Jesse’s cheek. He gave you the smallest smile, if you had blinked at the wrong moment you knew that you would have missed it. Jesse was gone within a few moments, and he headed inside of the building soon after.  
You heard a gunshot. You heard a gunshot and you saw red, in fact, you were pretty sure that you felt red if that was even possible. The last time you felt such a way was when Hank had beaten Jesse within an inch of his life, while you sat beside his hospital bed and were only taken out of the room by your boss, Gustavo Fring. He had insisted that you cook, told you that it would take your mind off of things.

“I need to stay with him.” You mumbled, a sniffle to your voice as Gus pulled you into the hallway. “The earliest that he’ll wake up is tomorrow, just take a break.” Gus said, and you understood what he meant but in that moment all you could see was fear. Gus was kinder to you and Jesse than he was to Walter, even more so to you since you weren’t one to get high like Jesse was, nor were you combative like Walter was. He seemed to think that could be helpful to him in some way.  
“Being in a room that I spent time with Jesse in isn’t going to make me feel any better.” You mumbled and Gus sighed. “Fine. How about you go to Los Pollos Hermanos?” He questioned. “Why do you care?” You asked him, and he raised his eyebrows. “Sorry-” “I care because you’re my employee. I visited Walter in the hospital, I’m visiting you too.” He responded. you were pained, you saw nothing but red after the attack on Jesse, but you let him take you to his restaurant, and you waited until the next day to go back and see Jesse again.

You ran as fast as you could, running into the room only to see Jesse standing above a dead body, and telling three men to un off. He was alive, and two other men were dead. “Jesse!” You yelled, and he turned to you, stumbling towards you while you ran and basically tackled him with a hug. “I thought you were dead.” You mumbled, your arms wrapped tightly around him as he held you in return. “I’m okay, I’m okay.” He assured and you nodded. “I love you so much, I can’t lose you.” You muttered, not realizing your words until you pulled back. But it wasn’t the time to address that. Jesse opened his mouth to say something before you both heard a click. “Shit, this place is about to blow up.” He told you, almost like the noise had reminded him of that fact.  
You both sprinted to the car and drove off. At long last, you were both about to become free as you made your way to the same shop that you had been at the day before. It was closed, so you both had decided to wait in the parking lot until the man came back the next morning. As you both sat in the car, leaned back in the seats, Jesse turned to look at you. “I love you too, you know.” He mumbled, and you glanced at him, wondering if you had managed to hear him wrong. “You-” Jesse sighed, almost letting himself laugh at the confusion on your face before pulling you into a kiss. It was passionate but soft, it was loving and almost as if you were still trying to care for him during the kiss.  
The rest of the night was spent with the two of you sleeping in the car, your body nestled against his, before the morning came and your new life began. You and Jesse started your new lives in Alaska a few days later as Mr. and Mrs. Driscoll. “So, does this mean we’re married now?” You questioned as you turned to look at Jesse. “Well, that’s what our new ID’s say.” Jesse said with a smile. “Hm, guess it only took about 20 years of knowing each other.” You said with a laugh before he moved his hand to tangle his fingers with yours. Walter let you go because he knew you were in love with Jesse, and now you and Jesse were free to be in love together in a new place, with a new life. Free of your past, free of your crimes, and free of the looming shadow of the late Walter White. And that was all that mattered to either of you in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this, it's also posted to Tumblr!


End file.
